An influential Japanese businessman who is running an illegal whaling fleet comes to consciousness in a traditional-looking Japanese room. He's threatened by Toshiro in Japanese. Frohike makes an appearance that is truly amazing, and an homage to all those samurai movies and Hong Kong kick flicks you've ever seen. As Frohike attempts to coerce the information about the whaling fleet out of the businessman, we see that it's really a setup by the Gunmen, with their friend's help, to expose the illegal whaling operation. The teaser includes a fight sequence with a shot where Frohike Sensei kicks Toshiro through a wall! [Editor's note: This is hilarious.] Melvin Frohike -- Man of Action!

Our story opens with one Alex Goldsmith, hacker extraordinaire (also known as Double Bogey or DB), whacking golf balls from a balcony in the middle of the night, tears running down his cheeks. He whacks one ball into the windshield of an expensive black car, just before he's shot and killed.

The Gunmen can't afford to pick up this week's issue on the illegal Japanese whaling fleet because their printer won't give them the issue on credit. They may have some money, but they don't tend to spend it wisely. Everything to equipment and set-ups, but not a penny for printer's ink! Now those are priorities... Langly suggests that their solution is to resort to Bodacious Babes on the front cover, but this meets with Byers' disapproval, backed, unwillingly, by Frohike. At this point, Yves appears at the Gunmen's office, announcing DB's death, and send the boys off to find out why he was assassinated.

We get to see the inside of the Mystery Machine -- the Lone Gunmen's totally equipped VW van -- which is tricked out with an amazing array of surveillance equipment, including a periscope. It is, after all, their "mobile news unit."

They go to visit Mrs.Goldsmith, to ask about Alex's activities. She paints him as a saint, but Byers suspects otherwise. Langly, in the meantime is sick as a dog from not knowing how to siphon gas without sucking the pipe. We get the obligatory vomit joke, as Langly pukes his guts into Alex's golf bag, signed by all the players at that year's US Open, but in the ensuing scuffle to fake the washed off signatures, Byers finds a check for one million dollars made out to Alex from a source they're not familiar with. As the Gunmen make their break, Mrs. Goldsmith screams as she discovers her son's violated treasure.

Our Heroes meet one James Bond, the coach of a blind football team and the head of a charity called POE -- the organization that issued the check -- who has been set up as the patsy in an international arms deal incident, involving the shipping of toxic gas to the former Soviet republic of Belamirsk for use in its civil war. Langly demonstrates his Superior Hacking Manliness to the wrong audience, and is kidnapped to replace the dead super-hacker. During the process of this hack, the time tick for the episode is revealed: Langly is grabbed on the afternoon of July 9th, 1999. This is a month or so before they run into Susanne in Las Vegas, if the timelines of the Gunmen and the X Files are supposed to mesh. I doubt it, though.

Yves reveals to Byers and Frohike (during a rather... slashy phone conversation) that Langly has been kidnapped, and meets them at the scene where our hapless Blondie has been taken. Upon debate about the best ways to enter the barred and walled consulate, Byers hits upon the idea of sending a familiar face up the walkway... Jimmy Bond.

Once they get Mr. Bond to the site, he storms up to the gate and starts shouting to be let in, to see his "anonymous benefactors." After spilling a good bit of information about the Gunmen, Jimmy gets whacked with Alex's driver, and dragged into the compound. He is, very conveniently, tossed into the room next door to Langly, and passes him a ghost modem device to get him in contact with his compadres, undetected. Langly's been instructed to drain millions from the e-stock market and put it into a Belamirsk government account. Langly plans to refuse, but Yves tells him to go with it, in part, at least, to stall the Belamirsk diplomats until they can effect a rescue.

Langly goes for the hack, and produces the results the diplomat wants. Now, it's time for Langly to get paid -- with a bullet! Fortunately for us, Langly's blonde butt is saved by a phone call from the Belamirsk Minister of Finance, who's all hot under the collar because the ruling party's bank account is empty. Yes, the slippery Yves has swiped the cash, faked Langly's hack, smooched Byers on the cheek and wished him luck, then vamoosed, which I suspect will be her MO through the series.

Jimmy gets himself out of the room, and tries to persuade Langly to jump from the balcony. Unfortunately, it was demonstrated rather earlier in the episode that he's somewhat easily distractable. And, true to form, Frohike distracts him the moment poor Langly jumps, and Blondie hits the dirt. Frohike and Bond heft him up and drag him to the gate with the angry Belamirskians hot on their tail, flinging lead.

Langly, in a fit of doing the right thing, returns the million dollar check to Mrs. Goldsmith, who is overjoyed. As Langly observes, "a million dollars forgives a lot." Unfortunately, they're still out of gas, and have no money for this issue, much less to rescue last week's issue.

When they arrive home in Maryland (I assume they did more than a little gas siphoning on the way -- I doubt they pushed the van home from Long Island), they're astonished to find Our Boy Bond sitting on their warehouse steps with last week's press run just waiting for mailing. Looks like Jimmy Bond has found his very own Lost Cause at last.